Holy Cheese!
by PurpleJerk
Summary: "...so Freddie had to suck the beavecoon poison out of my neck." "There's something off." "Huh?" "Beavecoons live in forests!"
1. WhyAreYouTwoHugging?

**A/N: SHUT UP! Okay, now I can talk. There's a few things I'd love to say. 1. I made you wait forever and you're probably mad... 2. This is not the story I planned to write. 3. Someone's writing "How I Met Your Father" now, so the idea of "How I Met Your Mother" story is not original anymore -.- 4. I saw a lot of 'similar' stories to the one I wrote before (off-topic much?). 5. There's no number five but it sounds better. Anyway, I'm here and I'm not even mad at you! So we're even, right? **

**IMPORTANT: This story will be... interesting. In Spencer's and general POV! How awesome is that? So the first part will be Spencer's POV and then there's something like "ten minutes/one hour/three days/whatever before" in general POV, just to make things clear. And if you didn't read that even though I wrote that this is IMPORTANT, I suppose that you're sooo smart that you will figure out. **

**Oh, and this is beta'd by OneDream 2Dream, applause for her, please. Other than the fact that our PMing started with yellow Skittles, she's totally normal (ya, try to believe that).  
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**Disclaimer: Where did Dan get one of those? I want one of those! (If you didn't get it, I _still_ don't own iCarly.)**

Another beautiful day in Seattle, kiddos! I was at Socko's and he gave me those new awesome socks. They 're green with yellow, red, blue and orange stripes. I have to show them to Carly, she's never seen something more amazing than this! Except for that time when she was watching a movie with me and a purple glittered jello monster appeared and- that was a dream.  
>I survived the walk through the lobby without any harm. Lewbert was flirting with Mrs. Benson (EWW!), so he didn't notice me and didn't make me "get my lazy flat butt outta his precious clean floor". My butt isn't flat!<br>"I- I love you like a pudding baby, oh, I- I love you like a pudding baby!" I sing as I approach my apartment. This song by one of the Dingo stars is stuck in my head. It's so wonderful! It shows the world the real love. It makes you wanna get up and hug everyone! It's really powerful.  
>I pull out my keys, which is totally unnecessary since the door is always open. I hear weird sounds, it can mean only one thing. Sam is killing Freddie with an apple or my new Snappy sculpture. I love this little dog! He's so cute! He resembles me. We both have... eyes. Before I open the door, the sounds stop. Oh my gosh, Sam killed Freddie! I swing the door open to see-<br>"Holy cheese! WhyAreYouTwoHugging?" I spill out. Sam and Freddie are H-U-G-G-I-N-G in front of me. At least Freddie's alive and I won't have to help Sam hide his body. Not that it would be a huge problem, but I'm pretty tired and I'm sure that Freddie doesn't weigh just five pounds. Oh, and I guess I would miss that kid, by the way.  
>Sam and Freddie pull away and stare at me in shock. Freddie chews on his bottom lip and waits for Sam to say something. She takes the sign and hugs me. "Oh my god, Spencer! I'm so glad that you're here! What happened was horrible! HORRIBLE!" What happened here? I'm starting to be curious. Sam is trembling! Yeah, she enjoys scaring the pee out of other people just by looking at them, but she herself isn't scared of anything.<br>"W-what's going on?" I ask as I wrap my arms around her. Freddie still didn't stop to chewing on his lip. Something is suspicious about this, but I wouldn't put my finger on it.  
>"You need to sit down, Spence." We head for a couch and take a seat. Freddie keeps staring at us without a word. "Sit down, Fredhead!" He immediately stops biting his lip (man, just a few seconds more and he would be bleeding. Like if injuries caused by Sam weren't enough).<br>"Okay, tell me what's up."  
>"You see, we were hanging out with Carly here as usual. We were rehearsing for iCarly. Then she got a text from Gibby... I don't know what he did need, but she mumbled something about a project and Groovy Smoothie and left. Fredward was about to leave and I wanted to take a nap when it happened!" She pauses for a dramatic effect and I gasp. What? It sounds so terrifying! Did you ever see T-Bo's birthmark? It changes you. "Do you remember the panda from the party in LA?" I simply nod. "It appeared out of nowhere! It chased after me and this dipwad tried to rescue me. As if he could. We were fighting the panda together. It was almost dead-beat, but an orange alien came to help him and almost got Fredwiener, so I had to fight the two of them myself. The alien told us he comes in peace, however, he was lying! He pulled out a rainbow gun and started to shoot at us! Fredwardo showed him to the ground before he could hit me. I beat up the panda and threw it out of the window. Freddley did the same thing with the alien. We saw them board the flying wiener and fly away. Momma and nub showed them, they won't return ever again!" Wow. That's so- awesome! I'm sure they're not lying. It explains the weird sounds and primarily the hugging... Wait, how does it explain the hugging?<br>Freddie facepalms and Sam gives him a death glare. What does that mean? Is there anything they're not telling me? They will tell me eventually. Right? I can't come around from my shock. There was an alien in my apartment and I wasn't here to see him! Dang it!  
>"And why were you hugging then?"<br>"Spencer! We were scared! I was glad that we're both alive, so I hugged Fredward even though it was the most disgusting thing I ever did." I nod knowingly.  
>"More disgusting than the accident with chocolate and bikini?" Sam shudders and Freddie raises an eyebrow.<br>"What accident?" he speaks the first time since I arrived.  
>"I don't wanna talk about it," Sam snaps. Yeah, it was pretty disgusting. This monkey had really- "Okay, moving on!"<br>"Hugging me is not disgusting!" Freddie pouts. Sam smirks. I don't like when she's smirking. It usually means that something really BAD is coming.  
>"Yeah, you're right," she nods. What? Did she just let Freddie win? "Not JUST hugging you is disgusting. Everything about you is pretty much disgusting." Of course she would say that.<br>"Hey! You didn't seem to think so when you kissed me!" he grins. I wish I could stop the periodical twitches that my face does. Freddie brought up THE kiss they shared an eternity ago? I'm sure I don't want to see Sam scraping out Freddie's eyes and then eating them with beef jerky and fries. Even though it sounds delicious...  
>"I- I- think I'm gonna go- um- I- I'm gonna go to rearrange my socks!" I stutter and head for my bedroom quickly.<br>"What did you just say?" Sam says slowly. Her tone makes me want to build a bunker and never come out again. I'm glad I didn't see her facial expression when she said it 'cause I'm sure I would wet my panties. I mean underwear! Yeah, underwear. I wasn't out of clean boxers and didn't borrow Carly's panties. Pssh... Heh, why would I do that? And why girls wear so small panties anyway? It hurts in a ways girls can never understand. Not that I experienced it.  
>"You heard me!" Freddie's voice cracks. I slam the door and hide under my bed. That's the best thing I can do now. Believe me, everyone will be okay. Sam never caused a mortal injury to him.<p>

Ten minutes ago:

Freddie was lying on a couch in Shay's apartment. She did it again. Sam destroyed his date with a super hot girl who asked him out. She was a cheerleader, nice long caramel brown hair, big green eyes and a Hollywood smile. Freddie really liked her, she was nice, polite and smart. Exactly what he wanted in a girl. And it seemed that she liked him too, since she asked him out. They went to Groovy Smoothie and everything was great. She laughed at his jokes, talked with him about things he liked and flirted with him. He knew something was missing, but he was overlooking it. Chelsea was cute and he was having fun with her. Until a certain blonde-headed demon came to make his life even more miserable than it already was.  
><em><br>"Hey hey hey!" she greeted with a huge grin plastered on her face. "I didn't expect to see you here!"  
>"Sam," the brunette boy sighed. "I told you, 'Oh, I can't rehearse tonight 'cause I have a date with Chelsea in Groovy Smoothie!' How is that not clear?" Sam ignored his comment and sat down next to Freddie. Closer than should be comfortable.<br>Chelsea just smiled genuinely and placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Nice to meet you! You're so __hilarious in iCarly!" She was so nice that it made Sam sick. She looked at the hand resting on her shoulder and considered beating her up. But no, she didn't want to ruin Freddie's date like that, she had better plans. She didn't want to let Freddie know that this was intentional. Of course he knew it, but he was going to play innocent.  
>"Yep, I am. So <em>_are you weird or crazy?" she said and motioned to Freddie. He didn't move a muscle, he was sitting there with an angry expression and thought about options how to get rid of Sam.  
>"Don't think so," Chelsea giggled. "Why?" Sam rolled her eyes.<br>"You decided to date THAT voluntarily." She ordered a smoothie and didn't intend to leave anytime soon. Freddie was getting sick of her. It was HIS date with a girl who was interested in HIM.  
>Sam got her smoothie from T-Bo and thanked him. She actually thanked him! Do you- how she- oh my- No, he didn't know what she was up to do, but he was sure it wasn't going to be pretty. She did a quick motion and her smoothie landed on Chelsea. Pink liquid covered her hair, face and even clothes. Freddie didn't know what to do, his jaw fell and eyes widened. The only thing he was able to do was snap sarcastically, "Thank you, Sam!"<br>Chelsea didn't seem angry, Freddie was, though. Sam apologized, but he saw the evil look in her eyes. She was doing it on purpose. Why did she come? Why did she have to destroy every single date he went to? Maybe she was jealous. And maybe she just enjoyed seeing him nervous and angry. Yeah, probably the second option. Sam jealous would be like Spencer in a bikini. Wait, that actually happened! Chelsea came from bathroom, still a little sticky, but cute as always.  
>"When did you two met?" Chelsea asked genuinely curious. That was the reason why Freddie liked her. She was so caring and nice, she reminded him of Carly. Then he remembered why his crush on Carly faded away... He didn't want someone perfect. He wanted a girl who would love him for who he is, who would be funny, interesting and could make him go crazy. He immediately stopped thinking about it. If Sam could have heard his thoughts, she would call him a 'sappy dork' and kick him where the sun doesn't shine. And he didn't want to lose ANY part of his body. But she couldn't read his mind, right? She looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Does she really read his mind? Freddie tried not to think about her, but the more he tried, the more he actually thought about her. 'Did she ever notice how I gawked at her when she wore that blue bikini?' or 'Does she know that I think she's kind of hot?'<br>"I don't know, we were kids. I guess I punched him in the face and called him a momma's boy or something like that," Sam responded for him. He remembered exactly how they met. Who would forget? Sam saw him talking with Carly in their apartment, took a colorful dust cloth and hit him with it until he started bleeding. How she did it was still a mystery for him. Spencer wanted to put a plaster on it... Let's say that instead of putting a plaster, Spencer had more important things to do. Like calling firemen.  
>"You are really close, aren't you?" This question got him thinking. Were they close? Of course, they were practically best friends. Sam would never admit it, but they were.<br>"Yeah," he replied with a chuckle. "Do you know any other guy who drags his friend to a date?" He gave Sam a glare which was supposed to be scary. He failed. Nothing was scarier than Sam's death glares and she knew that very well.  
>They were having one of their staring contests until Chelsea broke the silence, "Um, you would be a cute couple." She whispered it so softly that Sam didn't hear it. Freddie unfortunately did. He spit out his smoothie all over Sam.<br>"WHAT?" he yelled. Before Chelsea could reply, he was lying on the ground with Sam on top of him.  
>"I have smoothie from your disgusting mouth on my face!"<br>"Why did you come to my date?"  
>"Why you so stoopid?"<br>"Leave me alone!"  
>"You wish."<br>"Saaaaam!"  
>"Fredwaaaaard!"<br>__"Get off of me!"  
>"Make me!"<br>The fight continued for some time. It was probably a long time because when they stood up, Chelsea was already gone. Sam burst out laughing, called him a nub and noted in her PearPhone number sixteen. That's how many dates she already ruined. _

Freddie tried to call Chelsea, but she ignored him. He understood, he and Sam were acting like complete jerks. She could give him another chance, though. Did he want another chance? He wasn't so sure anymore. Sam always did this to him. He was so sure that he liked some girl and then Sam showed her his baby naked photos. Poof! His crush was gone.  
>"Freddie?" Sam peeked at him through the door.<br>"What do you want?" he snapped angrily.  
>"I- I-" she sat down next to him. "I'm sorry, okay?" He sighed. He couldn't be mad at her. When she said she's sorry, she really meant it. She didn't say this often.<br>"Yeah, it's okay. I just wonder... why are you still doing this? I'd like to have a girlfriend before I'm an elderly, you know." She couldn't respond. She didn't know. It would be like asking her why she put a dead piranha in his backpack yesterday. Oh, well, she knew why she did that. If you would have seen his priceless face, you would understand, too. People, it was so amazing!  
>"Because I looove it."<br>"Admit it, you know you love ME," he chuckled as she punched him. Hard. He winced in pain. Not because it was so painful, just because that's what they do and it always makes her laugh. He loves her laugh. It always reminds him that she's a human.  
>"You wish," she grinned. He stood up and walked toward kitchen when she stopped him. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. He placed his hands on her waist hesitantly. This couldn't be good. Spontaneous hugs aren't Sam's thing.<br>Sam was going to give him a wedgie, however, the door swung open and revealed a very confused Spencer looking at them. Oh chiz...  
>"Holy cheese! WhyAreYouTwoHugging?"<p>

**A/N: I know! You probably don't get it at all! I think that the things will be more clear in the next chapter. And maybe not... c'mon, I can't promise anything! Just review and maybe I'll update in less than a week... And maybe not. (Did you notice how I cleverly used that sentence twice? That's the real awesomeness.)**


	2. WhereIsTobby?

**A/N: Hi-ya! Hoo-ya-boom! Mah-coo-cha! Just trying which one is the scariest. I like the "hoo-ya-boom" one, whatcha think? Um... anyway... New chapter. Everyone who started to read that and stopped after my ninja outburst killed a fairy! _Are you happy? _(And if you still didn't stop reading, are you mentally stable?)**

**Again, beta'd by one and only OneDream 2Dream. I would drivel about how awesome she is, but she knows that. No need to make her self-esteem higher.  
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**This chapter is dedicated to LyshaLuvsSeddie! She knows why :) (Gosh, I miss you! I know that you can't PM me now, but tell me what's up in a review, girl!)  
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**Disclaimer: Me: I own Carly, Sam, Freddie, their show, their apartment, everything!**

** Carly: You weirdo! Dan owns us. **

** Me: *sob* You're so harsh!**

** Carly: I'm just telling the truth! **

Was I supposed to get her pink with white polka-dots or white and pink checkered bra? Was it 36A or 34B? Gosh, girls have a tough life. I take five lacy-pinky-polka-dotted random bras and walk toward one of the ladies who work here.

"Excuse me?" I tap her on a shoulder. She turns around with a bored expression and mumbles something. She eyes me suspiciously, looks at the bras I'm holding and raises an eyebrow.

"Can I help you?" she chuckles.

"Yeah, I have absolutely no idea which one I could take." I browse the bras slowly and stroke them to prove my point. Okay, maybe I don't do it to prove my point, but this black bra with cherries is so soft!  
>"I don't think that that's your size." She smirks and shakes her head.<p>

"What? NO! That's for my little sister! She's in a cabin and she-" She's stil smirking and totally ignores my attemp to keep my dignity. Yes, I have dignity! Why would I want to buy... that? I would never buy a girly bra like that! I like 'em simple yet sexy. What? I need bras! They're keeping my fake boobs on place and make them look bigger. "Please, could you help her? I have absolutely no idea which one she wants and what size she has. Please, please, please!" I beg her with my puppy look.

"Stop doing that disgusting face and I'll do it." She rolls her eyes, takes the bras I've been holding and walks away. I see Carly approaching me and she seems really furious. Like REALLY furious. She crosses her arms on her chest and glares at me.

"Spencer!" she yells. "What is taking you so long? I just wanted you to get me the purple bra with butterflies in my size 34A!" Ah ha, so that's her size! Man, she has some small boobs. My size is 38C! Take that, baby!

"Why didn't you take Sam or Wendy or Carrie or any other chick to help you?" I didn't take her here voluntarily, just to make things clear.

"I said, 'I will call Sam and Wendy to come with me to Build-A-Bra' and you said, 'Nyeeeh, don't call them, I'm gonna go with you, nyeeeeh!'" she mocks my voice (very badly, might I add). Okay, maybe I did go voluntarily... But that's not a reason to yell at me! I just wanted to get some inspiration for my new sculpture I'm making. A huge bra! Isn't it awesome? It's gonna be legen - wait for it – "Spencer!" Now she ruined the effect... dary.

"Whaaa?"

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, Carly. I'm gonna go home now, okay? The bras all over this place are making me feel dizzy." She sighs.

"Okay, gimme your credit card," she motions to my pocket. I slap her hand and shout.

"No! I'm not giving you my-"

"Credit card!" she yells at me. She scares the living Tweetie outta me, so I give her my wallet and don't argue. This kid can be pretty terryfying sometimes. She's worse than Sam. You wouldn't expect that, right? I'll explain. Sam, at least, shows that she's a tough person who can kill you with a tomato and blue spray paint. Carly, on other hand, pretends to be a cute, adorable, nice girl, but in reality, she's a monster in a disguise! Monster, I'm saying!

I drive home singing Honey by Justine Beaver on the radio. One of the singers I love! You know, some songs are just so meaningful that you can't help but cry. "Honey, honey, honey, ooooh, cupcakes with honey, honey, honey, ooooh, honey, honey, honey, oooh, with cherries and whipped cream, yeaaah."

I finally arrive at Bushwell Plaza. I get through the lobby and take the elevator directly to my apartment still humming the catchy Beaver's song. I enter my apartment and- slap me someone and tell me that this is just a dream.

"Holy pickle! WhyAreYouTwoKissing?" The two of them pull away and look at me in utter shock. I'm still hyperventilating, trying to process what I just saw. Sam and Freddie. Kissing. On my couch. Sucking each other's faces. Calm down, Spencer. It was just an innocent kiss. Between Sam and Freddie for ice-cream's sake! How could that happen?

"Oh Spencer!" Sam whispers with tears in her eyes. "I- I- That was an awful accident. Oh my god, it happened so quickly!" Okay, I'm listening. I sit down on a couch, but quickly stand up when I realize what Sam and Freddie just did there. Sam pouts and pats the place next to her. I sigh and sit down, but it makes me shudder. Sam and Freddie were exchanging saliva here. That's so wrong. So wrong!

"What happened? Did Freddie hurt you? Why are you crying?" I spill out.

"I didn't hurt her! I wouldn't do that!" Freddie cries. No need to yell, man! I get it. Sam snuggles close to me and I wrap my arms around her. Something horrible must've have happened. I feel her tears soaking my shirt. That's bad, really bad. She never cries. I saw her cry just once when she was eleven and I ate the last slice of ham. I remember that when she stopped crying, she showed me to the ground and punched me so hard that my jaw almost fell off.

"Oh Spencer," she sobs. She wipes her tears off and stares at me with those hurt eyes. "I can't believe I was forced to do something so icky like kissing Freddie!" She points at him and starts to sob uncontrolably again. I see Freddie flinch with my peripheral vision, but I wouldn't put my finger on it. Oh my bra, tell me what happened already!

"The green monster and squirel and... oh Spencer!" Green monster? Squirel? What the chiz?

"Freddo, man, can you tell me WHAT HAPPENED?" I start in a calm voice and end up yelling. Freddie's eyes widen and he looks at Sam worriedly. I would swear she winked at him right now, nevertheless I'm not sure. He mumbles something and she gives him a glare. What's going on now? Staring contest? I wanna join, too, people! Freddie sighs and shakes his head.

"You see," he begins, "I came here to talk to Carly. Sam was sleeping on a couch. Um, well, I wanted to wake her up. And... uh... I..." Sam rolls her eyes. "I did wake her up and she hit me because 'Momma needs her beauty sleep'. Then she shrieked-" Sam elbows him. "Eh, I mean, she screamed and when I turned around, there was a huge green see-through monster. And well... uh... yeah. It was trying to eat me. T- then your squirel appeared and the monster w- went after it. And- I- Sam, why don't you tell him the rest of the story?" Freddie is really nervous, I wonder why. Is he lying to me? He's lying to me! And he's- what happened to Tobby?

"Is Tobby okay?" I ask worriedly.

"Who?" Freddie raises an eyebrow in confusion.

"Tobby! My squirel!"

"Oh, of course. Good as never before."

"Okay then. WhyWereYouTwoKissing?"

"So," Sam starts to explain, "the squirel was running around living room and we were trying to catch it and hide it somewhere." HIM! It's a human being! Not sure about the 'human' part, but I'm sure that Tobby is 'being'. "It sat down on a couch and the monster almost got it, so I jumped at the couch to protect it. Fredderica unfortunately did the same thing and we accidentally-" She pretends to gag, "accidentaly kissed and you came. Dude, it was disgusting. The monster must have escaped when you arrived. And the squirel is somewhere around." The squirel's name is TOBBY! Can't they remember it? "Maybe the monster's still here." Monster. Green monster in my apartment and I didn't get to see it again. Why all the interesting things happen when I'm not around?

"Kissing me isn't disgusting!" Freddie whines. She didn't say anything like that, did she? Oh yeah, she gagged. Here we go again. She will go all, 'It is.' And he will go all, 'It isn't.' Then they will wrestle at the floor and argue, Sam will break some part of his body, Mrs. Benson will sue her, Freddie will lie and pay the bail to get her out of juvie and they will live happily ever after.

The end. I'm going to take a long shower now and make sure that I lock the door. I don't want Freddie to laugh at the birthmark on my butt. Again.

Two hours ago:

She was eating her bacon peacefully, thinking about her mom's new boyfriend. They seemed to be happy together. She didn't understand it, her mom never date-dated anyone. She was just using them to give her money and do "stuff" you don't have to know about. But Leonard, her new fiancé, was different. He truly loved her. At least it looked like it. And her mom didn't mention dumping him even once. She must like him a lot. Leonard is one nerdy guy, but she's sure that her mom loves it. He has brown hair and matching eyes, he's tall (well, he's way taller than Sam) and his glasses make him look nerdier than he is. Sam is nothing like her mom, she would never fall in love with a nerd.

"Hey Sam," Freddie made his way to the kitchen interrupting Sam's thoughts.

"Hey nub," she nodded and took a sip of Wahoo Punch.

"Where's Carly?" he asked and looked around.

"Obviously not here," she snapped and rolled her eyes. Something about the dork was wrong. He seemed distracted and nervous.

"Okay then, I'm gonna go home now." She could stop him or ask what is wrong with him. But it wouldn't be 'Sam' if she did that. She wasn't concerned about the nub, she didn't care.

"Fine, bye." She waved but didn't look at him. She turned on the TV and found a comfortable position on couch. She felt someone else sitting down, too. Yeah, it was a gigantic chicken. Of course it was Freddie, nubs!

"Um, maybe I'll wait for her here. Don't you know where she went?" She didn't know why, but his presence bugged her. Or maybe it was the fact that he didn't find hanging out with Sam as good as spending his time with Carly. Whatever it was, it made her angry.

"What do you want? She's not here, dude!" She punched him lightly ("Ow Sam! What was that for?") and changed the channel. She didn't want to watch the TV, but she would have done anything to distract her.

"I just want to talk with her, is that a problem?" So he wanted to talk with her. Nice. He wanted to tell Carly something private. Something Sam couldn't know about. It's not like she would tell everyone! Oh well, maybe she would. It's not a reason to not tell her, though, is it? Did she ever tell someone his secret? The 'never kissing anyone' thing doesn't count, she actually apologized for that. And when she told everyone he has a nightlight doesn't count either, they were kids (it was exactly two months ago).

"Carly Shay is not available. Leave her a message and then get your butt outta here. Beep!" Freddie chuckled. That was her way of saying that she wants to know what's bothering him, right? Even if it wasn't, he did. She probably didn't care about him, but he wanted her to know that he trusted her. Somewhat.

"My dad moved back to Seattle and started to date that- woman. I don't know her and I don't want to." He lowered his head and ran a hand through his hair. Sam moved closer to him, giving him a sign to continue.  
>"Everything I know about that blondie is that she has two daughters my age. And some nice criminal record. He wants me to spend time with him and his new 'future-wife'." He grimaced when he said the w- word.<p>

"Good to know." Sam kept her bored face and turned her attention back to the television. She couldn't concentrate on it. He believed her. He told her what's on his mind even though she wasn't the kind of person who could help him. She didn't say anything reassuring because she didn't know what to say. She never was in this situation. Her dad is Ham knows where and she could care less.

He didn't say anything either. He glued his eyes on television and watched some stupid japanese show with Sam. After a while, she told him to get her some snack. He got up obediently (rule number one: Never say no to Sam Puckett when it comes to food) and got her a popcorn, fatcakes, bacon and Peppy Cola. He handed her all of it except for one fatcake. Just one fatcake. She grabbed his wrist and glared at him.

"What?" he asked annoyedly.

"Don't. Touch. My. Food."

"It's just one fatcake! I'm hungry, Sam!"

"Give it back!"

"No!" He was aware that he just broke the rule number one. But she wouldn't do anything too bad to him. The stomachache which came two seconds later proved him wrong. Soon they were wrestling as usual. Freddie could be stronger now and he's able to fight some muscular boys, but Sam is a person who can beat up the whole football team in ten seconds and not even get sweaty. He would never be able to beat her. Not that he would ever try.

"I'm tired, momma just wants her fatcake. Gimme my precious strawberry fatcake and I will let you live, diphthong!" When she stopped suffocating him (he was turning purple already and Sam didn't intend to kill him), he took the opportunity and showed the fatcake to his mouth. He smirked at her. She gave the word 'furious' a new meaning at this moment. Her face turned red and her fists clenched. A fear overtook him. She started to scream and ran toward him with her fist prepared to attack. He did the first thing that occured to him. He stopped her and kissed her. It was stupid, he knew that his death would be slower and more painful after that incident. He couldn't take it back now, so he decided to enjoy his last minutes of life and kissed her passionately. He placed his hands on her waist. He expected a punch, kick, whatever... but it never came. She was kissing back hesitantly. Fireworks, butterflies in his stomach, blah blah blah... no, he didn't feel that. He was too confused to feel anything but her lips. He nor she knew how they ended up sitting on a couch kissing each other vigorously. However, there they were, practically making out, their soft lips moving in sync.

"Holy pickle! WhyAreYouTwoKissing?"

**A/N: You see what I'm doing here? Did you get the plot yet? You probably got it wrong. **

**Did you catch the HIMYM reference? If you didn't, you must be a) someone who doesn't watch HIMYM or b) a total mental (although if you don't watch HIMYM, you're a mental anyway). **

**And by the way... Rushed? Maybe. I just don't happen to like the 'wait-twenty-chapters-until-they-kiss-and-then-they-run-away-claiming-how-wrong-and-unbelievable-it-is' stories. I have a lot of ideas for this story that CAN'T work before they kiss. **

**I could beg you to review, but if you're cool enough, you actually know where the review button is. **


	3. The Apocalypse

**A/N: That's like... long. Really long. So if you read it til the end , I'd appreciate if you left a review. I really wanna know what kind of psycho reads this. I wanna thank you for all the reviews, though. It's not like I'm bothering to review all the stories I read. I'm trying! Really! I'M NOT KIDDING! I do! Don't believe me? Pssh, I don't need you! I have my straws! (A little nod towards SeddieLUV's story Random Emailing – and the other ones – 'cause the last chapter is about me! Practically... I'm famous! Ya, my epicness just exceeded all the limits.)**

**Did you see iLove You? I don't feel like talking about it. **

**Disclaimer: I wish. **

'The Adventures of Little Ms. Sunshine' or 'The Super-Gory-Horrible Movie 2: The Return of the Super-Gory-Horrible Monster?' Tough choice. I have a movie night with Socko and his grandma tonight and I get to chose the movie. I'm supposed to bring a DVD with the old episodes of Cops, but I- um- well- I had an accident. It was... uh... you know... I... I SET IT ON FIRE, OKAY?  
>"You moron! How could you set a DVD on fire?" Socko's grandma yells at me. She seems pretty terrifying for an old lady. And you didn't see her when she almost killed that one creepo who was stalking us! She's like a ninja. You wouldn't wanna get a punch from her.<br>"He's set wierder things on fire than that, Granny," Socko chuckles. Socko always was and will be my best friend. I don't know what would I do without him. Or without the awesome socks he makes. Really, this guy is a sockzard.  
>"Ugh, let's watch the stupid movie you got, then," she rolls her eyes and plops on a couch. Socko shakes his head, smiling, and sits down next to her. I press the Play button on the remote and 'The Super-Gory-Horrible Movie 2: The Return of the Super-Gory-Horrible Monster' starts to play. I wouldn't choose that, but when I told Mary (that's Socko's grandma, by the way) that I wanted to watch 'The Adventures of Little Ms. Sunshine', she laughed in my face, told me to stop being such a girl and man up. So I will. I totally will.<br>And I really would if it wasn't so scary. Look at the green huge monster! It reminds me of the one Sam and Freddie told me about! It just ripped the handsome man's head off right now! This could happen to me! I hug Socko tightly and bury my head into his chest. I'm NOT acting like a girl. Not at all.  
>"Dude, we should stop watching the movie before you wet your pants," Socko laughs as he tries to get me off of him.<br>"No! It's okay! I'm not scared. Pssh, why would I be?" I back away from him and pretend that the insides and blood everywhere don't make me wanna puke. Until the monster eats it. "Aaaah! Oh my plum! Oh my freaking plum! Did he just- Oh jeez, I- I'm going home." I get up and start to leave. I hear Mary's laughter (do you think it's funny?) and Socko yelling at me, but I don't look back. I feel like fainting, can I? No, let's do so in my apartment.  
>I get on my bike and start to ride home as fast as I can. Well, then I slow down because I don't want to die young, duh. Finally, I get to Bushwell Plaza, where I go up the stairs. Not because I'm afraid that the super-gory-horrible monster could eat me in the elevator or something stupid like that. Nuh uh. Never. I'm not scared of a fictional monster! Haha. It's... funny stuff.<br>I approach my apartment out of breath and can't wait to get in my bed. But wait- what if the monster is waiting for me? What will I do then? I really need a drink, so I decide to think about it later. Usually I would have to unlock the door since Carly's not home now and I'm apparently not either, however today it's different. The door is open. I peek into the living room and-  
>"Holy super-gory-horrible monster! WhyAreYouGuysCuddling?" I knew that Sam and Freddie were getting kinda physical sometimes, but... it was the kind of "physical" when one of them (guess who) ended up with a concussion and the other one (you wouldn't believe who it was) with a victorious smile and bacon in the mouth. This is something entirely different and I'm not planning on getting used to it. Sam is sitting on Freddie's lap and her head is buried in his chest. Freddie holds her waist and a small smile is playing on his lips. What is wrong with the world? This is not supposed to happen. Things like that CAN'T happen. It's against the physical laws! Or food chain! Can you imagine a piranha being a friend with a goldfish? I don't think so.<br>"Psst! Spencer! You'll wake her up," Freddie whispers as he strokes the blonde's hair. It's not just SOME blonde. This is Sam flippin' Puckett, for cupcakes's sake!  
>"W- what's going on? Is this a new chapter in our lives?" I whisper-yell while staring at his hand which is still playing with her curls.<br>"I can explain!" Freddie removes both of his hands off Sam. Smart boy. I fold my arms and raise an eyebrow. "Explain then."  
>"Um, I- Sam will explain it all when she wakes up." I open my mouth to yell at him and tell him to not make up any lame excuses. Before I can do so, Sam lifts up her head and opens her eyes slowly, yawning and looking around. When she realizes she's sitting on Freddie's lap, she punches him in the stomach and gets up quickly.<br>"What's going on?" she cries. I notice her red puffy eyes. No way. Was Samantha Puckett crying? This is the second time in one week! If I didn't believe in the apocalypse, I do now.  
>Freddie looks at her, bites his lip, looks at me and back at her. She scrunches her eyebrows in confusion and turns around to see me glaring at Freddie.<br>"Oh hey, Spencer!" she greets me over cheerily with a big fake smile plastered on her face.  
>"Speak now," I tell her in a calm voice. I can't be angry, just look at her! She seems like a lonely puppy. And I happen to like puppies a lot.<br>"Yeah, tell us what happened, Fredward," she says in a mocking voice and gives Freddie 'the Sam Puckett look'. Freddie's eyes widen as he shakes his head.  
>"I- you do it!" he yells desperately. I don't get what's wrong with them. Couldn't they tell me what happened yet? It can't be that bad. Unless...<br>"Chiz! Are you guys dating?" I practically throw the last word up. They both look at me in shock and blink multiple times. They seem to be in trance for a second before they burst out laughing.  
>"Spencer! How could you say something like that?" Sam says between laughter. "You can be so dumb sometimes."<br>"I just wanna know what's up!"  
>"A ceiling!" they reply simultaneously, still laughing. Sam calms down and slaps Freddie. Wow, he didn't even flinch. He immediately stops laughing and puts on a serious look.<br>"So," Sam beggins, "We were hanging out here. You know, Carly being in LA to check that high school she wants to attend, you being Ham knows where with Socko. We were watching the uncensored version of Girly Cow when Crazy walked in this apartment without knocking. She had a huge needle and she stabbed Fredoodle with it. She then ran away with an evil smile and left us here without a word. I was perplexed! Fredderica then started to morph into a monster which was trying to kill me and eat me!" Uh, is this a coincidence? The macabre movie we were watching, anyone? "He was suddenly all tall, beefy and hairy. He caught me and I couldn't fight back. I can be pretty strong, but he was like a Godzilla! His firm grasp was suffocating me," That would explain the crying, "and I must have passed out. He probably sat down when he was suffocating me and I rested on his lap without knowing. I guess the thing that Crazy gave him wore off and he's all normal now. Or at least as normal as a little weird nerd can be."  
>Danger is everywhere! Even Freddie could kill me now! Oh my Jesus Christ Superstar, I'm young and hot! I don't wanna die!<br>I take a glance at Freddie. Is it safe to be around him? He- he- is that a beard? No way. Freddie Benson doesn't have any beard. Unless he's a monster and... OH MY GOSH!  
>"F-Freddo?" I stutter. "Is it a hair on your face?"<br>"Oh, I forgot to shave." Freddie Benson doesn't shave! C'mon, he didn't have even leg hair a few years ago! Okay... In 5, 4, 3, 2-  
>"Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" I run to my bedroom and lock the door. Sam is strong enough to survive that, but what about me? I won't watch any horror movies ever again.<p>

Three hours before:

She was sad and lonely. What more can a teenage girl wish? Note the sarcasm. Carly was somewhere in Los Angeles with that Tori chick visiting a school called Hollywood Arts. She wanted to go there and she tried to convince Sam and Freddie to go with her. Sam told Carly to check it out, but she knew that she would never leave Seattle. LA wouldn't be for her. She's not one of the girls who would die if they saw Oliver Boom or Justine Beaver. Seattle is HER town and she never wants to leave.  
>And now she was in Carly's apartment, crying. Yes, you heard right, crying. She needed Carly. Carly was the only person who understood her and who could make her feel better. She was also the only person who had ever seen Sam hurt and she wanted to keep it this way. Crying shows your weakness and you look like a vulnerable kid. That's nothing like Sam. She's always strong. But sometimes, you can't hold it in anymore. You have to let it out.<br>"Hey, can I- Oh. My. God." She turned around to see a surprised Fredward Benson staring at her in awe. She was supposed to scare him to death and beat him up. She couldn't, though. Not now.  
>"Leave," she replied impassively.<br>"Sam! Are you feeling well?" he rushed to the couch. "Are you crying?"  
>"Benson, I swear, if you won't shut up and leave right now, I'll do something bad to you." How could she hate him? He was so concerned about her. He always cared and tried to be her friend.<br>"I won't leave unless you tell me why you're crying." He really loved her. Like a friend, of course. She was constantly making fun of him, beating him up and driving away every girl who would smile at him, but he still loved her. It was crazy and he didn't understand it either, but there he was, trying to help the girl who made his life a living hell. Welcome to his overly confusing life, people.  
>"Frothy died," she responded simply like if it wasn't a big deal. He didn't know what to do. He kind of could see that coming. Sam found Frothy somewhere in a junkyard and her mom didn't bother to go to the vet. Sam loved Frothy, though. Freddie never heard her talk so nicely to someone, not even to Carly. And what was he supposed to do now when she practically lost her best friend? He did the first thing that occured to him, he hugged her. Sam didn't pull away nor beat him up. She just buried her head into his chest and started sobbing. That was the first time Freddie saw her cry. And he hoped that it was the last time.<br>"Come on, let's watch Girly Cow," he suggested. Maybe it was stupid, but he had to find a way to distract her. The last thing she needed to think about was Frothy.  
>"Huh?" Her glassy blue eyes met his and Freddie realized how vulnerable she was. She was broken. She never showed him this side of her.<br>"Uncensored version," he smirked and raised an eyebrow. She smiled and nodded. How did he do that? You know, that. He made her feel good again. She knew she lost Frothy, but she also knew she has awesome friends who would be always there for her.  
>Sam was staring at him intently and it made him feel nervous. Was she about to attack him? Tell him he's a stupid nub and kick him out of Carly's apartment? Kill him? He hoped that it wasn't the last option.<br>"Whatcha waiting for? Girly Cow marathon! Now!" He shook his head and laughed. They watched a few episodes of Girly Cow until Freddie noticed Sam's eyes watering.  
>"Sam?" he asked cautiously. Sam lowered her head, wiped her tears off and smiled.<br>"What?" She tried to sound cheerful, but he knew her better. Acting. She was a brilliant actress. He raised an eyebrow and gave her 'a look'. She took the hint and spoke. "You know, when Girly Cow mentioned the Tomboyish Cat that lost her leg, it reminded me of Frothy. Stupid, right?" she laughed a little.  
>"Sam..."<br>"Stop it! I'm okay. Geez, it's just an animal! It's not like my mother died!" He was taken aback by her sudden outburst. Oh wait, he wasn't. When it comes to Sam, nothing can surprise him.  
>"Okay then. Let's not talk about it."<br>"Glad you understood," she rolled her eyes and continued watching TV. He glued his eyes to the screen and tried to not look at her.  
>"Fredwad?" she spoke tiredly after a while.<br>"Yeah?"

"Mom told me something that made me a little worried." He finally managed to glance at her. She was serious, he could tell. "You know how I told you about the dude my mom is dating?"  
>"Yeah?"<br>"He has a son." Sam's voice broke. Freddie wondered what the matter was. Sam was talking slowly and trying not to look at him. She couldn't believe she was thinking about it again, but it bugged her for three days and she couldn't take it anymore.  
>"And?"<br>"My mom told me that it's some handsome brunette who lives in Bushwell." Freddie's heart fluttered. Sam wasn't trying to say what she was trying to say, right? It didn't make any sense! Okay, he still hadn't met his father's fiancée, but that didn't mean anything.  
>"Impossible." He thought about what Sam said for a second before he smirked. "So you think I'm handsome?"<br>Sam shot him a glare and punched him in the arm. "That's not the point, idiot!"  
>"Sam, calm down, do you know how many handsome brunettes live in Bushwell?" he chuckled lightly. He wasn't making a big deal of it, Sam was overacting. Their parents were complete oppossites. Why would they decide to marry each other? That didn't make any sense.<br>"Stop making fun of this, nub! This is serious! Do you know what her name is?"  
>"Whose name?"<br>"The President of United States' name!" she rolled her eyes. "Your dad's fiancée!" He didn't know. He didn't want to know anything about her, her daughters or their house. Wait- daughters?  
>"They're not dating. I know 'cause that woman has two daughters. And you don't have any siblings!" he smiled proudly. He knew that something about Sam's theory couldn't be parents weren't dating and he was sure of it. Now he had proof. Boo ya, Sam! He won for the first time in his life. Sam sighed and buried her face in her hands.<br>"Dude, I have a twin sister! Melanie, do you remember?"  
>"No, she's not- oh chiz." Sam lowered her head. Was she crying again? No. No no no no. Sam Puckett doesn't cry! And two times in one day? Impossible. "Sam? Don't tell me you're crying again."<br>"Yeah, I am," she responded in a sarcastic voice. He could see that she was lying. Her eyes were filled with venom, not with tears. "Who wouldn't? I'm gonna be the step-sister of the biggest nub on this planet. What did I do in my past life? Why does God punish me? WHY?" She was being overdramatic, and Freddie was a little hurt. Maybe he wasn't the coolest person on Earth, but he would be a good brother. He always wanted to have a sibling. He just didn't expect it would be Sam. The thought of her being his relative irked him more than it should.  
>"Our parents are not dating. It's just a coincidence!" he snapped. She laughed and shook her head. Did she think it was funny? The most serious moment in his life was funny? Can you imagine the Christmas dinner with her? Thanksgiving? Birthday? Life would be tougher than it was before.<br>"Wanna bet?" Of course she would turn this into a bet. Whenever she wasn't sure about something, she made a bet with him. It wouldn't be so bad if he won at least once.  
>"Yup." He was doing it again. The nine hundreth mistake in his life. But what could possibly go wrong? Their parents weren't dating, right?<br>"Okay, the loser has to ask Spencer to give them 'the talk'," she smirked deviously. Freddie hesitated for a moment. He didn't feel like talking with Spencer about... you know... things. Sam would call him a wimp if he backed out now, though.  
>"Deal."<br>"Okay, let's not talk about it anymore until we find out the truth." The Girly Cow marathon had ended already, so Freddie switched the channel. A documentary about cats was on. Great, just great.

"Does the universe hate me?" Sam threw her arms in the air and groaned. Freddie wanted to change the channel again, but she insisted on watching it. After she saw some cute grey cat that looked exactly like Frothy (did every cat look exactly like Frothy?), she made him watch it with her. He didn't think that it was a good idea, but arguing with Sam is like fighting wind. You can never win.  
>Freddie saw a tear sliding down Sam's cheek. She didn't look sad, though. She was smiling a little and her eyes were closed.<br>"Sam?" She didn't respond, she just shifted on her seat and rested her head on Freddie's shoulder. He couldn't help but smile. She looked kinda cute when she slept. However, he couldn't let her sleep on the couch. Her back would ache! His mom was always saying, 'Take care of your back if you don't want to end up out of wack.' He shook her gently. "Saaaam, wake up."  
>"W- what?" She realized what position she was in and stood up quickly. She was still sleepy though, and fell back. On Freddie's lap. Freddie expected a punch, but he only heard a snore. Sam buried her head in his chest and continued sleeping. She wasn't really sleeping on a couch now, was she? So he didn't have to wake her up, riiight? Not that he was comfortable in this position or something. He just didn't want to disturb momma's beauty sleep! It was getting really late and his mother was probably freaking out. He didn't want to wake up Sam, but he didn't have another option. He then began to stroke her hair softly. "Sam? Hey, Puckett," he whispered and kissed her forehead. The moment he did that, he realized how stupid it was. Must've been the hormones. You know, a beautiful girl sleeping in your lap...<br>"Holy super-gory-horrible monster! WhyAreYouGuysCuddling?" Did Spencer have to ruin every moment they had? It's not like it was his apartment or- oh.

**A/N: Feel free to to tell me that it's suckish. Or awesome. Ya, I prefer the second option. But well, this chapter really WAS suckish. I tried to write something serious and it turned out to be Fun wearing a coat made of seriousness. Oh well... **

**Thanks OneDream 2Dream for betaing! Seriously, this girls rocks.**

**You know what? My previous story was good. I just found out that it was good. I mean Hello, I'm still here! I checked out the profiles of people who favorited it and when they have just like 10 stories in their favorites even though they have an account since forever, it makes you feel unbelievably awesome. I even found like three people who had just ONE favorite story and it was mine! C'mon guys, it wasn't that good. I just wanted to thank everyone who's still reading my stories. **

**An unexpected twist is coming. And by "unexpected", I mean really "unexpected". I just like being confusing. **


	4. Hundred percent sure

**A/N: Hello. If you want to read this chapter, press number 1. If you don't want to read this new chapter, press number 2. If you pressed number 2, get the hell outta here before I make you. **

**Anywaaaay! I know that it took me forever to post this, but Burning Forests was still keeping me busy with her super longish PMs (really, I think that you sent me the longest PM I ever got). So if you feel like yelling at someone, go ahead, she can take it. And my awesomesauce beta OneDream 2Dream was a little bit busy. But I'm here with a new chap, stop complaining. **

**Disclaimer: I own amazing cupcake table and sandwich bench as Carly. Now I have to think up of a plan how to get iCarly. **

Should I be freaked out? I'm with Gibby in Glitter Gloss right now. Why did I agree to do this anyway? Don't get me wrong, lipglosses are awesome, tasty, sparkly, tasty, nice and... did I mention tasty? Okay, I'm getting off-topic. I can't believe we're doing this. What are we doing? Stalking Tasha. Do you get it? No? I don't either. Gibby broke up with her five months ago and now he's decided he wants her back. He said he's sick of the annoying girls flirting with him, winking at him, and asking him out. What the duck? What do they see in him? He's just a Gibby! All those hot girls should be drooling over boys like Griffin (ew, but it's true) or even Freddie, not a Gibby. I mean, maybe Freddie isn't the coolest boy alive, but if you didn't notice, he's hot. I'm not trying to imply anything, but Freddie has some body and handsome face. We guys notice those things, too. You can't deny that, can you? Right, you can't. Do you think that only girls can say, 'Oh yeah, that chick is hot!' without everyone questioning their sexuality? I'm perfectly straight, if you wanna know.  
>I notice some pretty girl looking at Gibby lovingly and bitting her lower lip. Her pretty chocolate brown eyes are supplemented with long dark eyelashes. Her curly, caramel brown hair reminds me of Sam's a little. She wears a pinkish shiny lipgloss. I don't wanna sound like a pedophile, but she's insanely gorgeous. And she's staring at Gibby. Oh, Jesus Christ, how did he ingratiate himself with you?<br>I walk toward her and speak slowly, "Do you like this kid with sunglasses?" I point at Gibby, who's standing a few feet in front of us. She looks at me with a confused face.  
>"Um, yeah." She lowers her head. I nod.<br>"WHY?" She jerks and puts a hand on her chest.  
>"Dude, you scared me!"<br>"He's taken."  
>"What?"<p>

"He's taken. Don't bother to try to ask him out." I raised an eyebrow and half-smiled. "I know about another boy who would love to go out with you, though." The moment I stopped talking, the girl slapped me hard. Was that necessary?  
>"You pervert!" She turned around and walked away. What just happened? I wanted to give her phone number to Freddie! The poor guy will never get a girlfriend! In past two months, he went on a million dates, however, it always mysteriously ended up badly. I wonder why...<br>Gibby snaps me out of my thoughts. "Man! We're supposed to follow Tasha!" I check him out once again. I mean, check him out, not 'check him out'. I just wanna check out what is he wearing! Jeez, could you just stop accusing me of being weird? He's wearing a long coat, a hat in the same color and Wayfarer sunglasses. He said he must be in- incon- inconspu- inconspicu- aaaah! I can't even say it! He said he has to be discreet (that works too). His spy disguise doesn't seem really discreet to me.  
>"Gibby? Why are we doing that? Can't you call Carly? She knows how to do that stuff," I whine. I'm really tired. I wish I could just lie down and die right here. My head hurts like he- I meant shell. Yeah, shell.<br>"Alright, you're a lousy assistaint anyway." Oh wow, thanks Gibster, you always know how to make me feel better. I call Carly to get her nice-shaped Shay butt (Shay's butts are not flat!) here and help Gibby. She doesn't complain, something about Sam and Freddie being insupportable,  
>and I have to walk home (Gibby insisted on going on foot). After few minutes, hours, maybe days, I finally manage to get to Bushwell. Let's skip the part where I find out that the elevator is broken and I have to take the stairs, trip and cause myself some injuries. I open the door slowly, aware of the fact that Sam and Freddie will probably be there.<br>"Holy macarena! WhyAreYouTwoHolding- oh well, just tell me what happened," I say unenthustically. The two of them quickly stop holding hands. "Why are you all fancy?" I ask curiously. They were wearing 'dinner clothes' and I don't have idea why.  
>Sam's hair is combed up in a bun and she wears a little more make-up than usual. Her petite body is covered (or should I say UNcovered) in a thigh-lenght blue dress. And holy chiz, she has absolutely gorgeous shoes! Those silver high-heels are a must-have! When you're a girl, of course.<br>Freddie doesn't seem so bad either. His hair is spiked as usual, but he wears a simple white shirt with a black tie, black jeans and red converse shoes.  
>Give me a moment. Holding hands, fancy clothes... THEY WERE ABOUT TO GO TO A DATE!<br>"You're dating!" I point an accusing finger at them. "You're dating and you didn't tell me anything! Why? I'm like your older brother, I deserve to know!"  
>"Spencer," Sam rolls her eyes. "We-"<br>"I don't get why you don't believe me," I interrupt her. "Does Carly know about this?"  
>"Spencer-" Freddie tries to say something, but I don't let him.<br>"Oh my gosh! She doesn't know about it! Did you think I would tell her and your little secret would be over? I can't-"  
>"SPENCER!" Sam and Freddie shout at me simultaneously.<br>"We're not dating," Sam speaks slowly. They're not- How then- Why-  
>"Well? I'm waiting for an explanation!" Sam and Freddie both roll their eyes once again. Freddie looks at Sam with a smile and she returns a smirk. She bits her lower lip and stares at him for a second. Am I missing something? "Hey? Guys? You know, I'm still waiting!"<br>"Spencer, you won't believe us. We're conflicted if we should tell you." Sam glares at me and I'm scared. "Do we tell him, Benson?" Freddie nods slowly with the most serious expression I have ever seen. "Spence, I don't know how you will react, try not to be scared, though, okay? The thing is," she pauses dramatically, "we're vampires." Oh, that explains it all. WHAT?  
>"Let's say that it's true. But how does it explain why were you holding hands?" I shake my head.<br>"Okay. You have to tell him everything, Sam," Freddie lowers his head. Sam gasps and gives him a frightened look.  
>"Everything?" she whispers.<br>"We gotta do what we gotta do."  
>"We would have to turn him into vampire as well!" No no no no no no no no. I'm not turning into a vampire. They can suck each other's necks how they want, but I'm not getting involved. No. They're still debating whether they should tell me or not, so I take the opportunity and tip-toe to my bedroom quickly. I like my life, thank you. As I shut my door, I still hear muffled voices. I can't hear what they're saying, though. And I'm happy for that. I guess I'm just gonna take a nap. That was my plan until I heard laughter. Yeah, laughter! Or was it in my head? Never mind, I'm taking nap anyway.<p>

Three hours ago:

Sam and Freddie both texted Carly about being in her apartment in five minutes. There had to be something wrong with them, they never announced their arrivals. They just came, ate the Shay's food, occupied their couch and left. Carly noticed that they weren't acting like themselves for a few weeks, but everytime she asked them what was wrong, they waved her off with a smile and not-so-reassurring, 'Everything's okay, Carls.'  
>They were also spending a lot of time together. Not spend-spend time together, they were just hanging out in her apartment while she was gone. Isn't that enough? They knew she wouldn't be home, but came anyway and spent their free time together voluntarily. Spencer was trying to persuade Carly that Sam and Freddie were acting weird since they saw some monsters, aliens and God knows what else. Maybe she started to question Spencer's mental health, however, it didn't explicate Sam and Freddie's strange behaviour.<br>"You have to help me!" the two teens yelled simultaneously as they made their way to the kitchen. They were pushing each other, it almost seemed like a competition: 'Who will talk to Carly first'. "Carly!"  
>"What!" she yelled at the same tone with a grin on her face. Her friends were always annoying the chiz outta her, but that's why she loved them, after all.<br>"I'm talking to her first!" Sam stated.  
>"No! This is really important!"<p>

"My issue is way importanter!"  
>"Importanter is not even a word!"<br>Carly stopped being amused immediately. Her friends' fights were the less funny part of their friendship. She was thinking about using the spray bottle again; it worked before and it could work now. When she was about to get up and go to her bedroom to find it, Sam and Freddie suddenly stopped fighting.  
>"So, will you tell me what you need, guys?" she asked as nicely as she could. Maybe she was a sweet person, but she couldn't be sweet all the time. It was usually coming naturally, however, when Sam and Freddie fought, she lost her nerves.<br>"Ladies first," Sam smirked at Freddie.  
>"So?" Freddie rolled his eyes and waited for Sam to begin.<br>"I meant you, idiot." Sam was so complicated. First she wanted to talk, then she ditched her opportunity just to insult him. Freddie was about to start a new fight, but he had more serious problems than that.  
>"Dinner with my father, his new 'girlfriend' and her two daughters. Tonight," Freddie reeled off.<br>"No way!" Sam's eyes widened. "Me too!"  
>"That means-"<br>"Oh yeah."  
>"It can be a coincidence."<br>"Don't be stupid!"  
>"Sam..."<br>"We're in deep, deep chiz."  
>"Don't say that."<br>"We're gonna be step-"  
>"NO!"<br>"Fredward, you know it's true."  
>"It can't be!"<br>Carly was trying to process what was going on. She was moving her head back and forth between Sam and Freddie trying to catch up on their conversation. If she was confused before, she didn't know how to call what she was feeling now.  
>"Shut up!" she suddenly yelled at her friends. "Can you explain what in the world is so horrible about going on a dinner with your parents and their fiancées?" She was hyperventilating. She could take a lot, but that was too much. Sam and Freddie weren't responding, they just gaped at her with scared looks on their faces.<br>"You see," Freddie began slowly. "We think that, maybe, it's just a possibility and it's not very likely. It could be someone else-"  
>"Our parents are dating," Sam clenched her fists and rolled her eyes. Carly felt like fainting. Her friends couldn't be step-siblings. That would ruin their friendship! They would move in together with their parents and wouldn't need her anymore. Who would eat all the ham in the Shay's fridge? Who would occupy their couch? Who would wake her up at 4 a.m. because they were scared of thunderstorm? They were spending more time together lately, imagine what would happen if they were living together! They wouldn't need the Shay's apartment anymore. Maybe it was selfish, but Carly didn't want to lose her friends. They were getting along almost 'well' and it scared her. She was terrified. She knew it would happen one day, but she thought that they would 'get along very well' together. Was it dream? If it was, she wanted to wake up.<br>"We don't know if it's true, Carly," Freddie reassured her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "It could be just a misunderstanding." Carly was confused more than before. A misunderstanding? She wanted to ask if they could explain everything, but she wasn't able to form words. Sam took the sign.  
>"My mom started to date that nerdy guy with brownish hair and eyes. And well, his 'handsome son with dark hair'," she grimaced as she said that, "lives in Bushwell Plaza. Freddie's father is dating some blonde woman with a long criminal record and two daughters. So, we think that there's a possibility that... you know." Carly was perplexed. A possibility? It was obvious! She was sure that their parents are dating, one hundred percent sure. Instead of yelling, crying or whatever was expected from her, she smiled weakly.<br>"Do you want to help get all prettied up?" She wanted to enjoy her friends being just 'frenemies' while it lasted. Maybe it was the last time she would see Sam beating up Freddie. Not that she enjoyed it, but it was sort of a tradition. She was sure Sam wouldn't try to kill Freddie if he was her brother. She wanted to break Melanie's bones multiple times, but she never did because 'she was her sister, after all'.  
>Freddie and Sam stared at Carly in confusion, not sure why she was so happy. Maybe she wanted them to be step-siblings? Maybe she thought that they would go along better? It was all so damn confusing.<br>"Okay?" Sam smiled. Carly picked out Freddie's clothes (she knew his closet by heart) and sent him to get ready. She led Sam upstairs and made her wear the prettiest dress she found in her closet, and she did her make-up and hair. Sam didn't complain, but she was still wondering what made Carly so hyper. She couldn't possibly like the idea of Fredward and Sam being siblings, could she?  
>"Done!" Carly smiled widely. Sam looked at herself in the mirror and mentally slapped herself for not paying attention when Carly did 'those things' to her. She looked like a doll. No, more like Taylor Swift in her stupid music videos. It was just a dinner, she wasn't going to a fashion festival. "You like it?" Carly asked hopefully. Sam couldn't dissapoint her.<br>"Of course. It's awesome. Thanks, Carls."

Freddie was already waiting in the living room when his two friends descended the stairs. Carly would swear she saw him staring at Sam with a smile and Sam nervously bitting her lip, but she wouldn't put her finger on it. Maybe she was just already imagining them being closer. She was about to break the silence, but her phone did it for her. Spencer, of course. He told her to go to Glitter Gloss to help Gibby with something. She wasn't really thrilled, but went anyway. Never mess with a tired Shay.  
>"Guys? I'm going to- never mind, you can wait here for your parents to come. They'll pick you up here, right?"<br>"Yeah, outside the Bushwell," Freddie shrugged.  
>"Okay then. You know that you can always plop on our couch and eat all the food from our fridge, watch our TV, sleep in our beds-"<br>"Carly?" Freddie interrupted her with a raised eyebrow and half-smile. "What's the point?"  
>"Nothing, I just felt the need to tell you." She quickly took her jacket and stormed of the apartement. "Bye!" she added before slamming the door.<p>

Sam and Freddie were watching TV and eating. They almost didn't talk, they were too nervous. After one and a half hours, Freddie finally spoke.  
>"We should go, Sam, it's 7:25. Our parents will be here in five."<br>"No. I'm not going anywhere."  
>"Is the Sam 'I'm not scared of anything' Puckett really so terrified?" Freddie mocked her. She punched him in the guts and gave him a death glare.<br>"The fact that I'm nervous won't stop me from beating you up, dipwad."  
>"C'mon, Sam, we have to go! I'm sure that our parents are not dating," Freddie assured her. He was going to hug her, but the idea left his mind quickly. He didn't need a broken arm or concussion.<br>"I hope they are."  
>"Huh?"<br>"I'm not losing the bet, Benson!" The bet. He almost forgot about it. He tried not to think about it and stay calm. What could Sam possibly do to him? Pssh... Oh god.  
>"Come on, we gotta go." He offered her his hand. She looked at him, amused.<br>"You really think I'm gonna take your hand?"  
>"You need to squeeze something to make your nervousness go away and I really need someone who will reassure me." Sam rolled her eyes and interwined her fingers with his. "You're not squeezing."<br>"I'm not nervous! I just don't want you to pee your pants and embarass me in front of all the people in restaurant." He smiled at her meekly and she squeezed his hand a little. She didn't want him to know that she actually was a tiniest little bit nervous.  
>"Holy macarena! WhyAreYouTwoHolding- oh well, just tell me what happened." Here they go again.<p>

**A/N: Since I can't leave this story with a cliffhanger, I decided to make an alternative. You likey? No? Go away! xD So... you'll see if Sam and Freddie are step-siblings now. That'd be pretty weird, right? Oh well, we'll see. **

**That was just a filler chapter, if you didn't notice. But I promise you will LOVE the next one, if you're a Seddie shipper. And if you're not, why are you even reading this? **

**I DIDN'T want to make Spencer seem so gayish... but his character practically begs for it. His fake-boobs love inspired me. **

**If you read this all, could you leave a review? I don't feel like continuing this story, I really hate it and I need to cheer up. **


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